New Beginnings

I don't know why, but lately I feel as if I'm starting over. Rebooting my life. I'm not sure why? I think that most of this feeling has to do with me finally going through with the surgery. Kind of a step one. Not erasing the past with this per se, but kind of coming to terms with it. Accepting it. Moving on. What happened to me 5 years ago was the worst I'd have to go through in my life I hope. I battled for my life, and once that was won, I battled until recently to have my old life back in a way. A life with no physical restrictions. Back to normalcy. Of course I was doing everything I did before for the most part, short of running a marathon. But I always had that discomfort from the old scars. As much as I loved my battle wounds, they needed fixed, and I think taking that step of finally fixing them, finally helped me to overcome all that had happened and almost start anew:) Not gonna lie, but it is scary; graduating from college and having too many options. Not used to that and it makes me nervous that I cannot decide what to do with myself. Where do I move? Where do I work? Do I want to go to grad school (a yes for sure), but for what? and where? and when? 

I think lately I've been freaking too much about the future, and I need to stop. I need to take it a day at a time. Just make a decision! I need to stick to that decision, and if it's not for me, I now have the power to change my circumstances. I have nothing holding me back now. No school. Not a serious job. No relationship. So... if I want to up and move, nothing is stopping me! Now to the part where I can't decide on where to go haha Help??

I think maybe this has been why I've been feeling SO anxious lately. Like a constant anxiety attack haha I'm happy of course! But antsy. I need newness. I need to make a decision on SOMETHING new haha I don't like being so indecisive haha

Options:

1. Move to CA

2. Move to NY

3. Move to Nashville

4. Job hunt (is a must still. Continue)

5. Grad school (when? where?)

6. Internships for photography

7. Move to Denver

8. Travel (or move somewhere completely random)

9. Stay home and work in paying off some student loan debt

10. Etc etc. fml

Hard to decide. Im SO comfortable in colorado. My home. But some parts of me wants to move somewhere, where no one knows me. Start over kind of. But I just love my friends too much and would miss them entirely too much. So what to do, what to do haha

I know this is just a babbling blog, but I think I just need to get stuff outta my head, and down where I can read them, so I can better sort through life at this moment. :)

Other updaters...I went to dinner/drinks with Jackie tonight. Much needed conversation and I'm so glad it happened. I had a ton of fun tonight. Got me out of the house finally, and had some fun. Met some characters that's for sure haha. 

Talked to Kelly tonight. I miss her So much! Stupid distance. But it was good to hear her voice and she always calms my anxious nerves haha Thanks sister<3

Well, I think it is time for me to sleep. I needed to clear my mind and this helped. I'm sure I'll read over it later and realize that I just wrote a repeating run-on sentence about how I don't know what to do with my life right now haha It'll change soon though. I smell change in the wind. And I'm excited for it. Surgery was step one. There are more to come! I can't wait. 

Besos!

Ps. And thank you to:

Mew for being the soundtrack to my life lately:)

How About A Knife Fight?

At least it looks like I got into one! Finally, after what...5 years of putting it off, finally got the surgery done that I needed. I went in last week to get my throat (tracheotomy scar) and stomach (peg tube scar) fixed. Both had always been uncomfortable and still tender even after 5 years so I knew something was wrong. Went in, they fixed it. Turns out I had torn muscles in them they had to fix! Well well well that could explain my discomfort, and possibly the reason for my inability to achieve a six-pack. Or, that could just be due to my excessive fast food runs lately? haha

Ye ol battle wounds. I'm excited to see what it looks like. I really will miss my old scar though:( But this one I'm excited for. My neck is completely new again. It feels amazing! 

So it has come to my attention that I have not blogged in what seems like forever! Or a month. Either way, long time! I don't even know where to begin on updates. There are too many. My 3oh!3 fam was in town along with Graham and Spencer and Allyce! I guess Graham and Spencer are doing a show for tv involving the 3oh!3 boys and Graham asked for my help in one of the skit things. This included beer, spit in my face, at the show haha Mama will be SO proud. I hear Allyce's is even better though haha

I 've been doing a lot of shoots lately for some extra money haha Been nice! But to be honest, it's bumming me out that my flickr has not been updated in awhile. I need to fix that stat. I've had the honor of working with Virtual Fashion Studios:

And for Theresa Photography for To Go Clothing:




And I have a couple coming up which should be fun! I just cannot wait to get back into the other side of the camera though. I have so many ideas that I'm getting anxious! New models: men and women, Let's make some art, yeah?

What else...

I visited Kelly with my mom! Out in good ol' Tempe. It was SO much fun. And Mama Geha closed down the bars two nights in a row. I was such a proud daughter haha


<33333 x's infinity

I would update on the creepy secret men's society that I attended with Rex, Graham and Spencer...but I'm too lazy. Just leave you with this. Creepy hats, creepy robes, creepy goblets, just....creepy. *shivers*

Had been spending a lot of time with someone in Denver. Not sure how that's really going, but I think that it may just be better left as friends? Don't want to ruin a good thing, ya know?  All I know is hanging out with you has been great. And I truly value a good friendship the most:)

Ps. Can I say awkward turtle from last week? GOOD LORD. haha

Well, I can't think of anything else to say right now. I should get to sleep. Tomorrow is my first day (full day at that) back to work after my surgery. I'm still kinda gimping around, so I suppose I need a full night's sleep. Goodnight! <3